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I’ve been enamored with the idea of love for as long as I can remember. The grand, cinematic romances that sweep characters off their feet, the quiet strength in the bond of true friendship, or the undying loyalty of family—love, in its many forms, seemed omnipresent, and I was endlessly chasing it, eager to shape myself into whatever mold would secure me even a fraction of that affection.
My journey working with Blanche, founder of Conscious Home by BGD, began five years ago, and it’s been a ride of constant evolution—dipping in and out of roles, now settling into the responsibilities as her Media Manager. It was under her wing that I spread my own and founded my social media agency, Luxe Social Studio, a space where I was able to do more of what I love. Little did I know that as we painstakingly sketched out the Conscious Home archetypes, I was unknowingly sketching a new blueprint for my inner self.
Aligning myself with Blanche in our creative endeavor, the archetypes took on a life of their own, and as we breathed life into them, they, in turn, sparked a transformation within me. The Ardor archetype always felt like it was speaking directly to me—a mirror reflecting my deep-seated fascination with love. I was drawn to its depiction of love and passion, the classic elements of a heart-stirring romance. But Blanche’s wisdom consistently steered me back to a broader, more profound understanding: that Ardor was also a beacon of self-love, a variety that I had yet to fully grasp or explore.
When the opportunity finally came to take our own archetype quiz, my results were unsurprising. Ardor was calling out to me, affirming a path that I was perhaps always meant to walk. As I stood at this unexpected fork in the road, the question that loomed in front of me was simple yet daunting: What comes now?
It all started with seemingly inconsequential choices: letting go of clothes that no longer resonated with me, revamping my wardrobe, subscribing to a meal delivery service, bumping up my exercise routine, and overhauling my room’s layout and décor for the first time in a long stretch. At first glance, these steps appeared minute. Yet, as I embarked on this journey, I began to notice a profound transformation within. With each action, I was slightly detaching from the image I presented to the world, peeling back the layers of who I thought I was.
As this introspective shift coincided with enduring personal struggles, launching Conscious Home, and grappling with the all-too-familiar existential angst of my twenties, a stark realization dawned on me: my true self had been buried underneath a persona crafted by others’ expectations.
I was confronted with the harsh truth that there was a stark disconnect between the me I knew and the me I truly was. The most daunting aspect of this realization was recognizing that I didn’t even know who I was beyond the façade of pleasing others, beyond being the source of someone else’s happiness, beyond adopting interests simply because they were someone else’s passions.
I began the meticulous work of dismantling—starting from within. It was a process of unraveling, of questioning every choice and preference that seemed to define me. In this unraveling, I discovered I had meticulously constructed a version of myself that was entirely out of sync with my inner truth. This was more than a mere revamp of surroundings and habits; it was an essential realignment—a rebirth of my genuine self.
In my mission for transformation, I boldly went where many have ventured in search of themselves—except instead of Italy’s vineyards or India’s ashrams, my ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ saga unfolded in Kingston, NY. Picture me, channeling my inner Julia Roberts, but instead of savoring pizza in Naples, I found myself embracing the rustic charm of a small cottage and the wild company of, well, sheep.
Days in Kingston were filled with explorations, not of bustling tourist traps but of intimate city corners and my inner landscape. These journeys became reflective passages where I could meet myself anew, and understand my core identity. I faced the truth that self-love isn’t about pleasing others or seeking external approval but acknowledging, accepting, and appreciating oneself wholly.
One of the highlights of my trip was visiting the enchanting shop, Facets of Earth, a sanctuary of craftsmanship that prides itself on creating custom jewelry imbued with the essence of its wearer, manifesting empowerment and self-love—a perfect alignment with my quest, don’t you think? The joy filled the room as Morgan, the shop’s heart and soul, guided me in selecting a bespoke ring. Our hearts settled on a gold band cradling a Super 7 stone, rich with an amethyst hue. This particular crystal speaks to those yearning to cast aside old ways of thinking, inviting tranquility and harmony.
The trip was a real game-changer. I could feel myself transforming and connecting with who I really am more than ever before. Ironically, the Ardor archetype, which I had been studying and writing about with Blanche, unfolded its deeper meaning through my own experiences.
Knowing oneself is a big step in learning to love yourself. Discovering simple things about myself – ‘What do I like to eat?’, ‘What kind of shopping makes me happy?’, ‘Am I a morning person or a night owl?’ – helped me understand and love myself better. This may seem trivial to some, but for those of us accustomed to making these decisions based on others’ likes and wants, the change is profound. I realized that I don’t have to do things just because other people enjoy them, and it’s okay for me not to change who I am in order to please others. It’s these nuances that, if ignored, can lead us to lose ourselves. And when relationships falter, leaving us isolated, we’re confronted with emptiness. Why? Because in the midst of it all, where were we?
Even as I pen this, I recognize I’m far from achieving unconditional self-love, but embarking on this journey instills in me a belief that it’s attainable and that such a future is within my grasp. Learning to be comfortable in solitude—embracing all aspects of yourself including your needs, wants, desires, and fears—ensures you’re never truly alone because you’ll always have yourself. Imagine directing the energy you typically extend to others inward. The transformation could be monumental.
As I finished packing up, I couldn’t help but turn back to the small room that had been the backdrop of my journey, silently expressing my gratitude. I took a moment just to be—to sit with the beautiful energy I had created. Heading back home, I carried with me more than just vivid memories; I sparked a new passion within myself—an Ardor reborn—for self-acceptance and genuine appreciation. This experience taught me the invaluable lesson that true love, the most authentic and healing kind, begins within the sanctuary of our being—our inner home.
Undertaking a journey like this isn’t always easy, but I can attest to its rewards. Peeling back the layers to reveal our authentic selves requires vulnerability and a deep sense of courage. To echo the essence of Ardor, it’s about nurturing our core needs and practicing self-love, recognizing that happiness and pleasure are integral components of our existence. We must strive to embody the confident energy that Ardor represents, allowing ourselves the grace to embrace self-love, perhaps for the first time in our lives.
Here’s to the rebirth of Ardor within us all, as we learn to savor every moment of our lives with intense fiery passion and joy.
